What is an arranged marriage?
Arranged marriage is a marriage upon which two or more parties arrange a marriage between two persons. The parties arranging a marriage may pick suitors based upon financial security, religious and social upbringing, health, and many other factors.
These parties may be the parents of the unwed person, or matchmakers. Typically, the parent/matchmaker makes note of potential spouses for their daughter/son/client.
The two families may meet and the unwed persons decide whether or not to pursue getting to know each other. If so, there may be another meeting, or the two families may make a bond and the engagement is complete! An unwed person may go through many potential spouses until choosing one they like. Though sometimes in what many (somewhat appropriately) call forced marriage, traditional arranged marriages do not happen unless the unwed consent.
This type of marriage is predominantly practiced in the Middle East and South-East Asia, but it is also found in many parts of the world - even those you would not expect. It is both a celebrated tradition and a cultural taboo, but either way you look at it, there are both benefits, as well as downsides.
The traditional type of marriage in the west is arranged between the two unwed persons by themselves. Family usually plays a significantly lower role in the unwed couples choice. The unwed persons may know each other for a very long time until deciding to marry.
So, between these two types of marriage, one must wonder - which one is best?
Arranged Marriage In the West
Arranged marriage, in the west, is a very thought-provoking topic. In most situations, arranged marriage in the US is a very foreign concept, and many do not understand why a person would choose to marry someone they have not been with very long, if at all.
The thought that persons may have families or matchmakers help choose spouses on basis on so many aspects often is met with distaste and confusion, if not outright hate.
But Why is this? American culture values personalization, independence, and most importantly, the freedom to do almost anything. With this, eventually comes the desire to pursue relationships as wished. Since allowed, relationships before marriage are highly normal and one may be "in love" many times over.
The relationship before marriage gives personalization and comfort to the situation, The normality to have many partners and 'move on' from them brings independence, and the freedom to choose anyone to wed, even if their families do not agree or their life situation isn't quite as good is very appealing to the generations of today's western societies. There is nothing Americans love more than their freedom, and they are always willing to fight for it.
If we look back on the history of western culture, we will see various alterations and forms of arranged marriage. A prominent example would be in the 1950's, where girls often aimed to marry financially secure, handsome and respected men with good families and good records. Though also incorporating love before marriage, the 50's marriage norms were very much like arranged marriages, where if the families disagreed, it would not happen. That isn't to say some didn't elope, though. As the concept of freedom and american culture advanced, so did the concept of marriage soley on personal choice.
As recently as the late 1800's into the early 1900's, it was an extremely common practice in many if not all parts of western and european society for parents to be involved in the decision making of there children's marriages.
This doesn't mean that all in the west are opposed to arranged marriage, and some even aim for it. It even exists in subtle forms- We still see today, women eying the single doctor, and chasing after rich, wealthy tycoons - it's all over television and films, where the most appealing characters are the richest, person of high society, or most intelligent, or most trustworthy (sometimes not even the last 2, but if the first 2 are there, you'd see them being courted) and people flock to them because of it.
Proponents of arranged marriage believe that individuals can be too easily influenced by the effects of love to make a logical choice.
Arranged marriages can be a very happy time in someone's life - and for the rest of it.There are a number of considerable benefits, each of them important to leading a stable, good life. A few of the benefits correlating to arranged marriages are, if the right suitor is chosen:
- financial security. Families/matchmakers try and choose suitors who are secure and well-off in finances, which ensures that money will be something that is always able to be gained in the case of an emergency or other such events.
- cultural and/or religious understanding. Many times, the arranged spouses descend somewhat from the same type of culture, or share the same religion. This ensures that the spouses understand one others lifestyles, and it gives common ground and belonging to the "betrothed". In some cases, this preserves the cultural and religious identity of the persons and allows them to express it as they wish.
- avoidance of pre-marriage relationships/courtship. In some cases, people are very averse to the often awkward and time-consuming tango of dating and courtship. Arranged marriages often eliminate the years many waste dating multiple persons, and allow persons to find a good spouse without the need to do so.
- Addresses female anxiety. Studies have found that men are more eager for sex than are women. Women are more likely to set limits on such activity.
With the assurance of a socially sanctioned marriage, women are less anxious.The new couple may engage in sexual intimacy within, perhaps, 10 days after the first introduction. Men need less patience and face less frustration. - incompatibiliy is greatly lowered. Because of the many factors that go into choosing partners for an arranged marriage, compatibility is usually very good with all the areas taken into consideration (education, crime record, family, religion, etc.). Partners are arranged based of the similarities of these areas. The similarity between the two partners ensures that they understand each other, and are able to live comfortably as they have always been accustomed.
- divorce is more unlikely. Many proponents of arranged marriages point to the 0% to 7% divorce rate for arranged marriages in contrast with a 55% divorce rate for the United States.
- Modernity Modern arranged marriages, in contrast to classical ones, are not based on proscriptions but on pragmatic considerations. Often, parents can contribute to the offspring's life by utilizing the benefits of experience to choose the right mate for him/her. The common misconception is that the concept of arranged marriages imply traditional male-female duties. Modern western societies have also started practising arranged marriages in a cosmopolitan setting.
- equality. In matching spouses, some very important factors are generally met equally. Equality/similarity in education, financial situation, and other things is very good. For example, an arranged marriage could be stressed if one spouse earned the gist of the income, as it would pressure the other to earn more or cause them to feel dependent. Education, matched properly, could help so the partners feel equal in intelligence, therefore eliminating a stress or pressure of being 'dumb' or illiterate. Also, both being educated, the spouses are most likely to be equally rational and sensible in raising children or dealing with some issues.
Those were simply a few of the benefits to arranged marriage, There may be others,depending on where you reside in and the culture you belong to.
Arranged marriage - The CONS
Of course, with every advantage, there is a disadvantage. Amongst the arguments against arranged marriage, the most prominent are:
- dependence/inablility to choose a partner. In somes cases, when parents or elders help to choose a partner, it discourages the unwed person to think for themselves and consider whether or not they believe they would be compatible. In the case of this, if after a few years of marriage, if it is going unwell, it is easy for that person to then blame their parents for poor judgement.
- families too close for comfort. Some arranged marriages, in the case of which spouses are in an argument, it may be uncomfortable or odd for the families to become involved in situations otherwise better solved solely by the partners. Especially for those raised in the west, it may be strange or even stressful for the families to have too much of their noses in their business, even more so when they express their own views in the situation.
- love becoming the second most important thing. When it comes to arranged marriages, there is a saying, that goes "to think with your head and not your heart." (or something like that anyways) Yet, it is important to think with both. Spouses who think only with their head may end up realizing there is no emotional compatibility, and those who think only with their heart may end up realizing they do not have a stable future. Although love may come later, it is important to secure a stable future while in the present. Sometimes the spouses are in love at meeting, at marriage, or later. Love sometimes blossoms later and when it does, only strengthens the marriage and make the spouses happier. However, in the case where love does not blossom, help can be sought- and if nothing can be done, then the marriage was not right somehow.
- Arranged marriage is as good or as bad as the people arranging it. A forced mismatch, based on the values important to the arranger may not be as important to the parties involved.
- Arranged marriage may prove loveless. Some people dislike the prospect of being married to someone they do not already love. Partners in an arranged marriage are usually less likely to divorce for cultural reasons, so if the marriage does not work well, it can be a trap.
- Though supporters of arranged marriage may quote statistics of lower divorce rates, such practices are most prevalent in societies lacking equal economic standing for women. Thus, the lack of divorce in these societies cannot be necessarily interpreted as happier marriages whilst the economic variable is not constant. It's likely that in poorer countries, women have no option to divorce, whilst in richer countries, they do, thus one could posit that arranged marriages must pass an economic litmus test (put forth by the parents prior to the nuptials) and have little to do with spousal satisfaction. Additionally, social stigma is a major reason for low divorce rate. In reference to lower divorce rates, correlation is not causation.
- In developed countries arranged marriages can be seen as a form of (reverse) colonization. Arranged marriages are often used by people who have not integrated into the host nation's ways of marriage in order to maintain what they see as their culture, even though they may be second or third generation descendants of the original immigrants. This leads to racial tension in the host country.
Marriage- for better or for worse
Marriage is a very special and joyous part of many people's lives, and can bring together entire families or nations - as it has done and kept doing so in the past and will continue to do into the future. When one decides they want to marry sometime during there life, it can be very stressful or exciting - and all they must do is choose how.
As with any kind of marriage, all are blessings in their own way and should be looked upon as such.
Arranged Marriage - my personal beliefs:
I believe that all sorts of marriage are suitable and joyous - but I think that certain types of marriage are for certain people. I feel that the concept of arranged marriages may have been right in it's initial and true form, but over time, culture and personal opinions diluted what may have been a good idea at one time or another, and turned it into something that is looked upon with with disgrace and ridicule.
Until next time....
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