Woman finds long lost brother....Living across the street

For years, Candace Eloph had searched for her half-brother, who was given up for adoption in 1977.

She found him -- living across the street.

"I never thought it would happen like this. Never. Ever," Eloph of Shreveport, Louisiana, told KTBS.

Three decades ago, Eloph's mother gave birth to a boy at Barksdale Air Force Base in Louisiana. She was 16 and gave him up for adoption.

"They took him from me," said Eloph's mother, Joellen Cottrell. "I only got to hold him for a split second."

Cottrell searched for her son over the years, without success.

She eventually left Louisiana and had other children. But she did not keep her son a secret.

"My girls always knew they had a brother," she told KTBS. "I always told them. They knew it from the very beginning. And I've always looked for him."

Fast forward three decades.....

Eloph moved into a house in Shreveport. Across the street lived a 32-year-old man named Jamie Wheat.

"We were sitting one day, talking, and she said, 'You know what? I had a brother born January 27, 1977, that was adopted,'" Wheat said. "I was like, I'm adopted."

Surprised, Eloph mentioned that her mother was 16 at the time. His mother was 16, too, Wheat replied.

All the details fit, and Cottrell and Wheat decided to take a DNA test.

The results: There's a 99.995 percent probability that the two are related.

Wheat's adoptive parents are excited about this new stage in their son's life.

"It just almost knocked me out for the joy," Wheat's adoptive mother, Ann, told KTBS.

Added his adoptive father, Ted Wheat: "It was just surprising that they lived across the street from us for two-and-a-half years. When they told us, we said, 'This is the greatest news it could be.'"
Reunited with his birth mother, Jamie Wheat plans to make up for lost time.

"I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me," he said. "I can move forward. Like a new beginning."

Family Day costs small businesses

It's Family Day in Ontario, Saskatchewan and Alberta today, which means a day at home for most. But plenty of others can't take the day off and that's hard on small businesses, some critics say.

The three provinces have the day off, while Manitobans are marking Louis Riel Day. Last Monday was Islander Day in Prince Edward Island.

Family Day was first celebrated in Alberta, in 1990. Saskatchewan decided to offer its workers a mid-winter break in 2007, while Ontario's Family Day began in 2008. All three provinces mark the day on the third Monday in February.

In Ontario, those who have the day off include provincial employees, and workers at schools, banks, libraries, liquor and beer stores, as well as those at the Toronto Stock Exchange.

Under the Retail Business Holidays Act, most Ontario retailers cannot be open today, except those designated as tourist attractions, such the Eaton Centre in downtown Toronto.

Federal employees and those in federally regulated sectors will remain in the office. So will most unionized workers, since they already have more than nine paid holidays as part of their contracts.

Holiday costs

While many welcome having a day off in the middle of the long winter, the Canadian Federation of Independent Business says the holiday costs small business money - to the tune of $2 billion.

Businesses that close still have to pay their usual costs for a day without any productivity. Those that choose to remain open, such as retailers, restaurants and others in the hospitality industry, are required to pay premium wages.

Judith Andrew, who represents 42,000 members in the Ontario wing of the Canadian Federation of Independent Business, says those kinds of extra costs are hard for businesses already struggling to get by during an economic slowdown.

"Whenever government adds more costs and burden on business, they often do that in good times, because they figure: 'Oh, business can take it, they can shoulder it, they can handle it,"' Andrew said.

"And it made for a very nice announcement from the premier, it made him sound generous. But he was being generous with other people's money."

In a survey conducted by the federation, 58 per cent of members said they didn't like having a statutory holiday in February.

Worth the sacrifice

The province says on its website that Ontario's economy is strong enough to accommodate an extra public holiday.

It adds that while there may be some initial impact on productivity, it will likely be made up when employees return to work.

Employees who get time off may work even harder when they are back on the job, because they feel rejuvenated. And, they argue, a mid-winter holiday may spark an increase in industries such as tourism and entertainment/leisure.

Ontario's labour minister said Monday that Family Day is worth the sacrifice.

"We see this as a way to make our province more productive," said Minister Peter Fonseca. "We understand we all work together and we all get a chance to play together, to visit families and loved ones."

For those who do have the day off, it didn't take much for them to get into the spirit of Family Day.

In Ontario, the lineup started early outside the Royal Ontario Museum and other attractions in Toronto. Hundreds of people were lined up around the block before 11 a.m.

"I was trying to find something that wasn't really expensive and kept the kids happy," said one mother who brought her children to Casa Loma, Toronto's own castle.

"I'm really looking forward to Family Day every year," said one woman who is spending the holiday at the Ontario Science Centre. "It's fun for all of us, being off work and spending quality time with the kids."

So, What's closed today?

- banks
- provincial offices
- schools
- liquor and beer stores
- public libraries
- The Toronto Stock Exchange
- most grocery stores
- most daycare centres
- most shopping malls (except those designated as tourist attractions)

What's open?

- federal government offices
- public transit (though on holiday schedules)
- major shopping centres, such as the Rideau Centre and the Eaton Centre

AirTran apologizes to Muslim family removed from plane

Just to follow up on my posting from January 2nd at 4:15pm:

AirTran Airways finally did the right thing and apologized Friday to members of a Muslim family for kicking them off a plane and refusing to rebook them despite requests from FBI agents who had
cleared them of wrongdoing.

The families of Atif Irfan, a tax attorney, and his brother Kashif Irfan, an anesthesiologist, were removed from a flight in Washington before takeoff Thursday after a passenger reported hearing Atif Irfan's wife say something suspicious.

The FBI interviewed the family and cleared them of wrongdoing.

"We regret that the issue escalated to the heightened security level it did," AirTran said in a statement Friday afternoon. "But we trust everyone understands that the security and the safety of our passengers is paramount." (you can read the rest of the statement they issued here)

The airline said it has refunded the family's money and has offered to fly the family home to Washington for free.

One family member, Kashif Irfan, said on Friday that he was "very appreciative and surprised" by AirTran's apology. "It's a very generous gesture," he said.

The statement by Air Trans was an abrupt about-face for the airline, which only three hours earlier had issued a press release with an unapologetic description of the incident.

In that statement, the airline said it did not re-book the family only because the security concern had not been resolved, and because one member of the group "became irate and made inappropriate comments."

That account of the incident differed from accounts from the family and the FBI.
The FBI said agents interviewed the family, resolved the security concerns and then tried to help re-schedule the flight with the airline. The FBI ultimately helped the family book a flight on US Airways.

The dispute erupted at approximately 1 p.m. Thursday, as Atif Irfan and his brother Kashif Irfan boarded AirTran flight 175 at Reagan National Airport near Washington for a trip to Orlando, Florida. They were accompanied by their wives, a sister and three young children.

Federal officials say a passenger on the plane notified a flight attendant about a suspicious conversation, and the flight attendant notified the pilot and Federal air marshals who were aboard. The pilot asked the air marshals to remove the passengers, said Transportation Security Administration spokesman Christopher White.

"The conversation, as we were walking through the plane trying to find our seats, was just about where the safest place in an airplane is," said Inayet Sahin, Kashif Irfan's wife. "We were [discussing whether it was safest to sit near] the wing, or the engine or the back or the front. But that's it. We didn't say anything else that would raise any suspicion."

The conversation did not contain the words "bomb," "explosion," "terror" or other words that might have aroused suspicion, Atif Irfan said.

"When we were talking, when we turned around, I noticed a couple of girls kind of snapped their heads," said Sobia Ijaz, Atif Irfan's wife. "I kind of thought to myself, 'Oh, you know, maybe they're going to say something.' It didn't occur to me that they were going to make it such a big issue."

Authorities first removed Atif Irfan and Sobia Ijaz, then returned for the rest of the family, including three small children. They also removed a family friend, Abdul Aziz, a Library of Congress attorney who was coincidentally taking the same flight and had been seen talking with the family.

After the FBI interviewed family members, the agency released them, Irfan said.

"The FBI agents actually cleared our names," said Sahin. "They went on our behalf and spoke to the airlines and said, 'There is no suspicious activity here. They are clear. Please let them get on a flight so they can go on their vacation,' and they still refused."

In statements Thursday night and Friday morning, AirTran said it had "complied with all TSA, law enforcement and Homeland Security directives and had no discretion in the matter."

But TSA spokesman White said it was the pilot's decision to remove the family and the airline and pilot had the ultimate authority to decide whether to allow the family back on AirTran flights.

An FBI spokesman confirmed Friday that agents intervened on behalf of the family with AirTran. When AirTran declined to book the family, agents helped them get tickets with US Airways, FBI spokesman Richard Kolko said.

"Our agents went way out of their way to make sure this family went on their trip," Kolko said.

After the family and friend were taken for questioning, the remaining 95 passengers, the crew and baggage were removed from the plane and rescreened, AirTran said.

Family members said Friday they had not decided whether to accept AirTran's apology, saying there were a variety of opinions. (My personal opinion? too little too late, I wouldn't take the tickets)

Meanwhile, an Islamic group -- the Council on Islamic American Relations, or CAIR -- filed a complaint with the U.S. Department of Transportation, which oversees airlines.

"We believe this disturbing incident would never have occurred had the Muslim passengers removed from the plane not been perceived by other travelers and airline personnel as members of the Islamic faith," CAIR said in its complaint.

I can't afford to leave you

Divorce rates are dropping.

Not because more couples are finding ways to make it work, but more unhappy couples realize it's cheaper to stay together.

"The reason that the economy has such an enormous impact on divorce is that most people in the middle-income brackets are getting by on whatever income they have. They're just getting by," said Bonnie Booden, a family law and divorce attorney in Phoenix.

A major factor in the divorce downturn, Booden said, is divorced couples have to establish two separate households with current funds -- a prohibitive factor when you're looking at divorce in tough economic times.

Booden said one out of every two clients is seeking consultations because they can't afford to get divorced. They want to know what other options they might have.

"I tell them about the process, about the cost, and what a reasonable outcome might be. And once they hear the cost, and especially how you have to duplicate two households on the same money that currently funds one household, they try to think about some other options," she said.

Some clients have split up bedrooms and continue to live in the same house, she said. Some split child-care duties so they don't have to deal with each other and live that way until they can figure out what to do. "And I've had people who just throw in the towel and get divorces anyway, creating financial ruin for themselves," she said.

Circuit courts across the country report downturns in the number of divorce and separation filings. Cook County's Circuit Court in Chicago saw a 5% decrease in filings -- about 600 cases -- in the first three quarters of 2008 compared to the same period the previous year. Similar drops were reported in other cities across the country.

This domestic situation is also confirmed in a poll by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. The AAML surveyed its members -- all divorce lawyers -- and found that 37% of them have seen a decrease in the number of couples seeking a divorce, while just 19% saw an increase in divorce cases.

Gary Nickelson, president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, said people are just, "toughing it out" and putting off the decision to divorce until the economy gets better.

"We're in a perfect storm as far as the divorce business is concerned," Nickelson said. "It's not a surprise to me. That's been my experience over the last 35 years. When you have an economic downturn people are not so quick to change their situation."

Out of options

Some people who come to Booden's office have come from marriage counselors, she said. By the time these couples get to her, she said, they've pretty much run out of options.

Typically, she said she tries to arrange a deal where both parties continue to own their house. She'll split up the equity and apply an interest rate to it to make it reasonable to the person not living in the house, and then distribute the cash when the house is sold after the kids go to college.

"People have to realize the financial meltdown changed everything," she said. That sentiment is echoed by the AAML's Nickelson. "As long as stocks and financials and major assets are down, you're probably going to see a lot of people wait to file for divorce. There's a lot of fear in filing for divorce," he said. "I think that cuts across all genders, races, and all social economic ranges."

I don't know about you, but to me this seems much more painful than going through a divorce. Of course, if there are kids to consider that's a whole different story , but to simply stay together for money seems bizarre, even to someone as bizarre as I am!.

Anyone ever heard of this before? Anyone doing it or know people doing it? Please leave your comments/thoughts below -- I'd be interested in hearing the thoughts behind such an arrangement.

Arranged marriages, Why? Why not?

What is an arranged marriage?

Arranged marriage is a marriage upon which two or more parties arrange a marriage between two persons. The parties arranging a marriage may pick suitors based upon financial security, religious and social upbringing, health, and many other factors.

These parties may be the parents of the unwed person, or matchmakers. Typically, the parent/matchmaker makes note of potential spouses for their daughter/son/client.

The two families may meet and the unwed persons decide whether or not to pursue getting to know each other. If so, there may be another meeting, or the two families may make a bond and the engagement is complete! An unwed person may go through many potential spouses until choosing one they like. Though sometimes in what many (somewhat appropriately) call forced marriage, traditional arranged marriages do not happen unless the unwed consent.

This type of marriage is predominantly practiced in the Middle East and South-East Asia, but it is also found in many parts of the world - even those you would not expect. It is both a celebrated tradition and a cultural taboo, but either way you look at it, there are both benefits, as well as downsides.

The traditional type of marriage in the west is arranged between the two unwed persons by themselves. Family usually plays a significantly lower role in the unwed couples choice. The unwed persons may know each other for a very long time until deciding to marry.

So, between these two types of marriage, one must wonder - which one is best?

Arranged Marriage In the West

Arranged marriage, in the west, is a very thought-provoking topic. In most situations, arranged marriage in the US is a very foreign concept, and many do not understand why a person would choose to marry someone they have not been with very long, if at all.

The thought that persons may have families or matchmakers help choose spouses on basis on so many aspects often is met with distaste and confusion, if not outright hate.

But Why is this? American culture values personalization, independence, and most importantly, the freedom to do almost anything. With this, eventually comes the desire to pursue relationships as wished. Since allowed, relationships before marriage are highly normal and one may be "in love" many times over.
The relationship before marriage gives personalization and comfort to the situation, The normality to have many partners and 'move on' from them brings independence, and the freedom to choose anyone to wed, even if their families do not agree or their life situation isn't quite as good is very appealing to the generations of today's western societies. There is nothing Americans love more than their freedom, and they are always willing to fight for it.

If we look back on the history of western culture, we will see various alterations and forms of arranged marriage. A prominent example would be in the 1950's, where girls often aimed to marry financially secure, handsome and respected men with good families and good records. Though also incorporating love before marriage, the 50's marriage norms were very much like arranged marriages, where if the families disagreed, it would not happen. That isn't to say some didn't elope, though. As the concept of freedom and american culture advanced, so did the concept of marriage soley on personal choice.

As recently as the late 1800's into the early 1900's, it was an extremely common practice in many if not all parts of western and european society for parents to be involved in the decision making of there children's marriages.

This doesn't mean that all in the west are opposed to arranged marriage, and some even aim for it. It even exists in subtle forms- We still see today, women eying the single doctor, and chasing after rich, wealthy tycoons - it's all over television and films, where the most appealing characters are the richest, person of high society, or most intelligent, or most trustworthy (sometimes not even the last 2, but if the first 2 are there, you'd see them being courted) and people flock to them because of it.

Arranged marriage - THE PROS

Proponents of arranged marriage believe that individuals can be too easily influenced by the effects of love to make a logical choice.

Arranged marriages can be a very happy time in someone's life - and for the rest of it.There are a number of considerable benefits, each of them important to leading a stable, good life. A few of the benefits correlating to arranged marriages are, if the right suitor is chosen:

• financial security. Families/matchmakers try and choose suitors who are secure and well-off in finances, which ensures that money will be something that is always able to be gained in the case of an emergency or other such events.
  
  
• cultural and/or religious understanding. Many times, the arranged spouses descend somewhat from the same type of culture, or share the same religion. This ensures that the spouses understand one others lifestyles, and it gives common ground and belonging to the "betrothed". In some cases, this preserves the cultural and religious identity of the persons and allows them to express it as they wish.
  
  
• avoidance of pre-marriage relationships/courtship. In some cases, people are very averse to the often awkward and time-consuming tango of dating and courtship. Arranged marriages often eliminate the years many waste dating multiple persons, and allow persons to find a good spouse without the need to do so.
  
  
• Addresses female anxiety. Studies have found that men are more eager for sex than are women. Women are more likely to set limits on such activity.
  With the assurance of a socially sanctioned marriage, women are less anxious.The new couple may engage in sexual intimacy within, perhaps, 10 days after the first introduction. Men need less patience and face less frustration.
  
  
• incompatibiliy is greatly lowered. Because of the many factors that go into choosing partners for an arranged marriage, compatibility is usually very good with all the areas taken into consideration (education, crime record, family, religion, etc.). Partners are arranged based of the similarities of these areas. The similarity between the two partners ensures that they understand each other, and are able to live comfortably as they have always been accustomed.
  
  
• divorce is more unlikely. Many proponents of arranged marriages point to the 0% to 7% divorce rate for arranged marriages in contrast with a 55% divorce rate for the United States.
  
  
• Modernity Modern arranged marriages, in contrast to classical ones, are not based on proscriptions but on pragmatic considerations. Often, parents can contribute to the offspring's life by utilizing the benefits of experience to choose the right mate for him/her. The common misconception is that the concept of arranged marriages imply traditional male-female duties. Modern western societies have also started practising arranged marriages in a cosmopolitan setting.
  
  
• equality. In matching spouses, some very important factors are generally met equally. Equality/similarity in education, financial situation, and other things is very good. For example, an arranged marriage could be stressed if one spouse earned the gist of the income, as it would pressure the other to earn more or cause them to feel dependent. Education, matched properly, could help so the partners feel equal in intelligence, therefore eliminating a stress or pressure of being 'dumb' or illiterate. Also, both being educated, the spouses are most likely to be equally rational and sensible in raising children or dealing with some issues.

Those were simply a few of the benefits to arranged marriage, There may be others,depending on where you reside in and the culture you belong to.

Arranged marriage - The CONS

Of course, with every advantage, there is a disadvantage. Amongst the arguments against arranged marriage, the most prominent are:

• dependence/inablility to choose a partner. In somes cases, when parents or elders help to choose a partner, it discourages the unwed person to think for themselves and consider whether or not they believe they would be compatible. In the case of this, if after a few years of marriage, if it is going unwell, it is easy for that person to then blame their parents for poor judgement.
  
  
• families too close for comfort. Some arranged marriages, in the case of which spouses are in an argument, it may be uncomfortable or odd for the families to become involved in situations otherwise better solved solely by the partners. Especially for those raised in the west, it may be strange or even stressful for the families to have too much of their noses in their business, even more so when they express their own views in the situation.
  
  
• love becoming the second most important thing. When it comes to arranged marriages, there is a saying, that goes "to think with your head and not your heart." (or something like that anyways) Yet, it is important to think with both. Spouses who think only with their head may end up realizing there is no emotional compatibility, and those who think only with their heart may end up realizing they do not have a stable future. Although love may come later, it is important to secure a stable future while in the present. Sometimes the spouses are in love at meeting, at marriage, or later. Love sometimes blossoms later and when it does, only strengthens the marriage and make the spouses happier. However, in the case where love does not blossom, help can be sought- and if nothing can be done, then the marriage was not right somehow.
  
  
• Arranged marriage is as good or as bad as the people arranging it. A forced mismatch, based on the values important to the arranger may not be as important to the parties involved.
  
  
• Arranged marriage may prove loveless. Some people dislike the prospect of being married to someone they do not already love. Partners in an arranged marriage are usually less likely to divorce for cultural reasons, so if the marriage does not work well, it can be a trap.
  
  
• Though supporters of arranged marriage may quote statistics of lower divorce rates, such practices are most prevalent in societies lacking equal economic standing for women. Thus, the lack of divorce in these societies cannot be necessarily interpreted as happier marriages whilst the economic variable is not constant. It's likely that in poorer countries, women have no option to divorce, whilst in richer countries, they do, thus one could posit that arranged marriages must pass an economic litmus test (put forth by the parents prior to the nuptials) and have little to do with spousal satisfaction. Additionally, social stigma is a major reason for low divorce rate. In reference to lower divorce rates, correlation is not causation.
  
  
• In developed countries arranged marriages can be seen as a form of (reverse) colonization. Arranged marriages are often used by people who have not integrated into the host nation's ways of marriage in order to maintain what they see as their culture, even though they may be second or third generation descendants of the original immigrants. This leads to racial tension in the host country.
  
  

Marriage- for better or for worse

Marriage is a very special and joyous part of many people's lives, and can bring together entire families or nations - as it has done and kept doing so in the past and will continue to do into the future. When one decides they want to marry sometime during there life, it can be very stressful or exciting - and all they must do is choose how.

As with any kind of marriage, all are blessings in their own way and should be looked upon as such.

Arranged Marriage - my personal beliefs:
I believe that all sorts of marriage are suitable and joyous - but I think that certain types of marriage are for certain people. I feel that the concept of arranged marriages may have been right in it's initial and true form, but over time, culture and personal opinions diluted what may have been a good idea at one time or another, and turned it into something that is looked upon with with disgrace and ridicule.

But that's just me... What do you think? Arranged marriages...Yes? No? Why? Why not? share your thoughts and opinions on this topic, as always, using the link directly below, you can also be paid for your thoughts...

Until next time....

Christmas Around the World

A quick trip around the world to learn how different cultures celebrate the season.



People around the globe celebrate Christmas in their own unique ways. Here is a glimpse into how some cultures around the world mark the occasion.

Christmas Down Under
Christmas in Australia takes place during the summertime. Of course, the hot weather doesn't prevent Australians from celebrating Christmas. They're just more likely to celebrate outside. Many families eat their midday Christmas meal in their backyards and sometimes even at the beach. When Santa makes an appearance, he's usually wearing his swimming suit ready to start his vacation.

Australia's most breathtaking Christmas tradition, Carols by Candlelight, also takes place outside. At outdoor concerts held in cities and towns throughout Australia, people sit on blankets, light candles and sing Christmas carols together.

Australians decorate their homes with "Christmas Bush," a native plant with cream coloured flowers that turn a shiny deep red around Christmas.

Christmas in Africa
Whether rich or poor, Christians in Africa celebrate the birth of Jesus with immense joy and passion. These celebrations center around church services and the lively processions following Christmas Eve services are filled with song and dance.

In Ghana, churches start preparing for Christmas many months in advance and some say it feels like the entire country is actually getting ready for the birth of Jesus.

Eating and visiting family and friends is also huge part of the holiday. For instance, Kenyans typically celebrate by roasting a goat and eating the delicious meat hot off the grill. Those who can't afford to purchase or slaughter a goat often pool resources with family and friends.

Many people in Africa, of course, cannot afford to give gifts. If gifts are exchanged in poor communities, they generally consist of practical things, such as schoolbooks or soap.

Las Posadas
The major Christmas celebration in Mexico starts nine days before Christmas and is called Las Posadas. Each night, a group of neighbours re-enact Mary and Joseph's search for a place to stay in Bethlehem.

Carrying small, lit candles and images of Mary and Joseph, these "pilgrims" travel from house to house looking for lodging. They are refused by each "innkeeper" until they reach the home of the family hosting La Posada that night.

Once inside, they gather around a nativity scene to pray and sing traditional Christmas songs. Then, the nightly festivities begin and children take turns trying to break open a piñata filled with peanuts, tangerines and candy.

Christmas in China
The Christian population in China is relatively small and Christmas is not a public holiday. However, Chinese Christians light up their homes with pretty paper lanterns and hang paper decorations—chains, flowers and lanterns—on "trees of light."

Christian children also hang muslin stockings for Dun Che Lao Ren (Christmas Old Man) to fill with gifts and treats. Many non-Christians also exchange gifts and celebrate Christmas, especially in urban areas where Christmas displays and decorations have become commonplace.

Peace blessing in Iraq
Iraqi Christian families take part in a special ceremony outside their homes on Christmas Eve. Family members hold lit candles while one child reads about the birth of Jesus from an Arabic Bible.

After this, the family sings songs around a bonfire of dried thorn bushes. If the thorns turn to ashes, it is said the family will enjoy good fortune in the coming year. When the fire burns out, everyone jumps over the ashes three times and makes a wish.

Following another bonfire at church the next day, church officials march behind their bishop who carries an image of Jesus. The Christmas service concludes when the bishop blesses a member of the church by touching him with his hand. That person touches the person next to him and so on until everyone at the service receives "the touch of peace."

And now you know :o)